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A Mommy, A Wife, A Full Time Employee who loves to spend time with her family, camping on the weekends, cloth diapering, learning to be more eco friendly, and trying more organic products.


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Friday, June 18, 2010

Are You a Strict Parent? Part 2

Do you all remember this post below that I wrote not to long ago?

So, I previously talked about a slumber party and my girls having one or going to one?  Are you a strict parent and would you let them go?

Well, here is my biggest fear, I let her go and this happens....Read This...

Now tell me what you think, Im curious!
Are You a Strict Parent? post
Tonight the Hubby and I took the girls to get some ice cream at Bruesters.  All of the people that work there are somewhere around the age of 16 and 17 years old. Of course we pulled in and when we pulled in there was about 5 boys (around 16 or 17 years old) standing around in the parking lot with their shirts off, and dare I say...trying to be cool...but it did seem like what they were trying to do.

We walk up to order our ice cream, and there was a pretty girl about 17 working behind the counter who looked to be super naive.  (I am 32 years old and my husband is 39 just to give you some behind the scene info, lol). This girl was flirting with the boys who had their shirts off, who were very loud and obnoxious. 

DH stood there and watched and said..."She is so naive and I would worry that she would be one of the girls that we may later see on Nancy Grace!"  As I watched, I couldn't agree more, she was flirty, but standoffish as in shy but at the same time all up in it.  I'm sorry I really don't know how else to explain that anymore than I really am so you all would have the whole picture.  

The little girl got off work while we were still sitting there eating our ice cream and walked over to the boys!  Stood there flirting and playing with the boys.  The husband said, "The girls will not be doing that!"  I agreed whole heartely.  10 minutes later she walked off rolling her eyes at the boys, but continued looking back and after getting in her car to leave stopped to talk again with them.

What is interesting to say, is times are so different than they used to be in all aspects.   Not that girls were ever safe to just hang around, because they weren't and maybe things aren't so different it is just that now the news announces more of the "bad" things that we never used to hear about kids, girls and what happens to them.

DH and I started to talk about how things were when we were growing up and of course he as a man, he so knows what those boys were doing and it bothered him knowing that we are raising girls.   I was telling him I was reading the local mommies forum and read that one of the mom's had a girl who was just turning 9 years old and wanted to rent a hotel for the night and let her daughter have a sleep over and she wanted to know if other mom's would let their girls do it.  Now, seriously mom's...I was shocked....I really was...most of the mom's were saying I would, I would, I would.  One mom spoke up and said, "I must be strict, because I wouldn't!"  I told DH, I agree with that one mom who said, I must be strict, because I wouldn't either.

This past October, my oldest turned 8 years old and she wanted to have a few friends over for a slumber party and the longer I thought about it, I thought I wouldn't let her go, so why would we have this thinking other parents of girls would let them come. 

So, lets go back...I didn't have my first sleepover until I was 13 with my best friend and always wondered when I was younger why I couldn't and why the next morning my mom was there at 9AM to pick me up and to go home.  I don't wonder anymore, because it laymen terms you just never know what could happen while you are not under the roof of your parents.  Do you know the parents and if you really know them, do you know who is going to stop by or who else lives there and what may happen.  And are those parents like you, where for us I would be watching all that is going on, but would they, and would the girls be sneaking out?  Do we know that a sick uncle or a male figure (at that a female figure) wouldn't walk into that house and take your child or even do something to your child that may hurt them, or even at that take their virginity away. 

I had my first boyfriend at the age of 13 years old as well and he was 3 years older than me. My parents were very strict and had to meet him.  But too, let me explain to you all, that I wanted them to meet him, and to feel comfortable.  He was a "good boy" as my parents called him and he was.  We didn't go out, obviously I was too young, but I could go out to dinner with his parents and him but only after my parents met his parents and had hung out with them, he could come over to the house under the roof of my parents house.  All of this I was ok with, but I was a girl who was smart about my surroundings and although I don't talk to my father and have not in many, many years, he taught me well and what to expect.  I also was a girl that I had a job when I first could and my parents were always there right when I got off, and when I could drive, I was home right after work.  If I wanted to do something or go somewhere with friends (which was very few far and between) I always called my mom and said "Mom, we are leaving XXXX and going to XXXX." I always wanted them to know where I was at all times in case something ever happened to me. They would always know where to look.

So, I do know that girls (nor boys) can't live a sheltered life, but at the same time I also feel that they need to be in the know and need to be observant of what is going on around them.  So many girls (and some boys) are just so naive.  While I am 32 years old, my husband still says to me when I am going out by myself with the girls somewhere, look around you and what is going on. Girls at a young age just don't do this.

This is why I don't let my oldest go off to slumber parties and probably won't until she is older and can really understand.  This is why I don't let my oldest run down the street or rider her bike around by herself out of my eye sight and this is why we don't have slumber parties.

So, to answer the above, "Are you a strict parent?" Its all in how you look at it, I don't think I am a strict parent to a degree, I just think that I am a careful parent.

Tell me what you think!

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Carrie said...

I totally I, also, must be strict. It is just being a great parent. I would agree with a cousin sleepover cause it's family or kids of a Best Friend....other than that forget about it!!!

Heather Aguilar said...

I'm in total shock! I really don't know what to say to that. We can't let our children out of our site. It scares me what it will be like when my little girl is older.

steveandcaryn said...

Oh that just made me SO sick to my stomach!! How awful and sick... I would stick to my guns if I were you. You just never know what crazy people are out there when you are not around to supervise.

dannyscotland said...

I think that what happened to that girl is terrible. I understand your fears and concerns and I share them on many levels. I think that since you are concerned about sleepovers, it would be best to have her friends come to your house, where you can monitor what's going on and be aware of who is in the home. Or just not have them, whatever you think is best.

That said, I also think that there are so many scary things in our world these days that if we lived our lives in constant fear, and essentially captivity to them, we would never get to enjoy anything. Imagine if, every time I wanted to go shopping, I was afraid to, because a man might mug me? Imagine if, every time I wanted to go outside to play with my daughter, I didn't, because someone might see us and kidnap her? We can really turn just about any situation into a thing of fear. I am not in ANY way trying to downplay anything that happened, I'm just saying we have to use our good sense, know what's going on, know the families our children are playing with, and do what we can to be safe. Then we make the judgment call for our children based on what we know and how frightening it is for us. If sleepovers are too much, then you don't let her go. Every parent has to decide where the safety line is. Who knows how I'll feel about sleepovers when my daughter's old enough to go to them? I don't know. But again, we just have to do what we think is best for our kids, whether other parents think we're strict, slack, or whatever. It's not their child.

Kim@Chubby Cheeks Thinks said...

I am super strict as well. I think I'm worse than the normal mom though. No one watches our children besides me and my husband and my mom. My fear is always something happening to them. I have a mindset that no one can watch them better than me. I never wanted to be this kind of parent but I guess it comes with the territory.

I doubt they will ever get to go to sleep overs or anything like that.

And that story just sounds funky to me! Who would invite a MALE to help with a GIRLS sleepover! Seriously?! I would also be concerned that what if one of the childrens parents are worse with the concern stuff than me and basically put it into the kids head that if a Dad gives his daughter a hug its sexual abuse. Then my husband hugs and kisses my daughter goodnight and one of the kids that doesn't have a dad takes it the wrong way and blows it out of context and then it turns out to be a huge thing.

There is always something to worry about when your children are out of your site. It is really a sad world we live in.


Sarah Lewis said...

My daughter had her first slumber party on her 4th birthday...we had 13 little girls show up aged 3-5. I wouldn't have let my daughter go to a slumber party at 4 years old, however, I am well known in both the schools and the community so maybe this is why so many parents entrusted their daughters to my care. We have since had a slumber party every year (she is now 7) and have had great turnouts. Both she and my 8 year old have been to other children's houses as well but only parents that we personally know. I wouldn't let my kids go off to some strangers house but definitely let them go to friends houses. Would I rent a hotel room for my daughter and her friends for a birthday party? If I was going to be there, yes, I would. Everything my kids do we supervise. Everything they watch, everything they play, everything they listen to. My biggest fear is the types of things they pick up at school when we can't control what they hear and see. This year my daughter was told by another 1st grader, " I want to have sex with you." When she came home and told us this, I'm pretty sure my husband might have had a heart attack. I immediately went into the school and hashed it out with the Principal...I don't want my kids knowing what that is at such a young age. Point is, we have kids over at our house because we would rather them here then our kids go elsewhere. That's why my backyard always looks like I have 20 kids. lol

jskell911 said...

I am both scrict and a wee bit over-protective of my 13 yr old BOY. You see, these issues you raise do not only put daughters in jeopardy, but sons as well. And from what I have seen, some of these teen girls are so very aggressive! Wow

Anyway, I am trying to loosen the reighns a bit so to speak. I constantly take advatage of "teachable moments" and reiterate lessons we have taught him. But in the end there are some situations where I just know to rely on my instincts

Danni said...

On some level I agree with dannyscotland - anything can happen at anytime so if you life in constant fear, you'll never be able to enjoy life. As Dori from Finding Nemo says "You can't never let anything happen to him, or nothing will ever happen to him!".

With that said, I'm likely only going to allow my children to stay at their friends houses if I know the parents. There are a lot of freaks out there and I wouldn't just walk up to some random person on the street and say "Hey can my kid spend the night at your house?" so why would I let them stay at a friends house when I've never met the parents? Those parents would be strangers to us so in my opinion, it's no different than leaving them with some random person.

I don't think it's being strict per se- just careful. We were just discussing a birthday party my son was invited to actually and I don't think I'll let him go if the mom wants us to just drop him off. I don't know the child or the parents and it's a swim party and Adam can't swim. I'd much rather have a miserable but safe kid than leave him with complete strangers and a body of water like that. If she encourages us to join him at the party then we'll go and he can have fun.